You know you are unhealthy when …

• You swallow your daily vitamin with a glass of beer.
• You step on the scale to weight yourself and you hear a little voice say, “Oh my God!”
• You have been reported as a “UFO” – an unidentified farting object.
• When you belch; global warming increases significantly.
• You take two steps and then skip the third step because you are too tired to take another step.
• You are arrested for attacking a person giving free food samples in the supermarket and your defense is that they teased you.
• Five people are supposed to fit in a car that you think is just the right size for one.
• You get tired jogging downhill.
• If six people ask you the same question, you respond from seven different personalities.
• Your get up and go, got up and left.
• You are a couch spud farm instead of a single potato.
• You consider deep dish pizza an essential food group.
• At your high school reunion, people have to ask your name. When you tell them, they say, “Wow, you look different.”
• You lean back in a dentist chair and because of your weight, you hit your head on the floor.
• When road service arrives to change a flat tire and they try to do it but fail to lift the car with the jack and then they ask you to get out of the car.
• You think a snow cone goes great on the top of a cake that you eat by yourself.
• You argue with others about the benefits of having catsup on vanilla ice cream.
• Your friends decided to start Olympic-like training to prepare to be pallbearers at your funeral.
• The surgeon general warns others about people like you.