Senior Reflections

Originals and curated by Williman™

• I woke up this morning very early, not because I was enthusiastic to start the day because I needed to pee.

• As I get older, it is easier to love everyone, because I cannot remember what they did.

• I am always concerned about the “hereafter.” I get up, walk into another room, and then I think, “What I am here after?”

• When I was young, my philosophy was to live fast and die young. Now that I am older, I am no longer a philosophist.

• When I get in bed with my wife, she looks more and more beautiful as time goes on. Of course, I can hardly see anything without my glasses.

• If I make it to my 100^th birthday party, I will want as a gift to make it to my 101^st.

• When I suddenly stopped on the side of the road, a young man walked up to me and asked me, “Spare change?” I replied, “Yes, actually, I have a flat and I will give you $5 to change the tire.”

• There are three things in life that are the most important. If I remember any of them, I will let you know.

• The best thing about getting older is that is getting harder and harder to remember why you do the same stupid thing.

• I reserve the right to have an argument with my GPS guidance system in my car about the best way to go somewhere.

• My wife stopped talking to me years ago. What a blessing!

• The proper response to anything your wife says is, “Yes, dear.”

• Last year at Thanksgiving, I had a Tofurky, which is a fake turkey made from soybean tofu. Outside my house were real turkeys carrying protest signs that said, “Bring Back Our Jobs!”

• Four elderly men were playing strip poker together. No one wanted to win.

• I used to love my wife’s breasts until I had to look down to see them because then I realized I could not see my penis.