Senior Reflections

Originals and curated by Williman™

• I woke up this morning very early, not because I was enthusiastic to start the day because I needed to pee.

• As I get older, it is easier to love everyone, because I cannot remember what they did.

• I am always concerned about the “hereafter.” I get up, walk into another room, and then I think, “What I am here after?”

• When I was young, my philosophy was to live fast and die young. Now that I am older, I am no longer a philosophist.

• When I get in bed with my wife, she looks more and more beautiful as time goes on. Of course, I can hardly see anything without my glasses.

• If I make it to my 100^th birthday party, I will want as a gift to make it to my 101^st.

• When I suddenly stopped on the side of the road, a young man walked up to me and asked me, “Spare change?” I replied, “Yes, actually, I have a flat and I will give you $5 to change the tire.”

• There are three things in life that are the most important. If I remember any of them, I will let you know.

• The best thing about getting older is that is getting harder and harder to remember why you do the same stupid thing.

• I reserve the right to have an argument with my GPS guidance system in my car about the best way to go somewhere.

• My wife stopped talking to me years ago. What a blessing!

• The proper response to anything your wife says is, “Yes, dear.”

• Last year at Thanksgiving, I had a Tofurky, which is a fake turkey made from soybean tofu. Outside my house were real turkeys carrying protest signs that said, “Bring Back Our Jobs!”

• Four elderly men were playing strip poker together. No one wanted to win.

• I used to love my wife’s breasts until I had to look down to see them because then I realized I could not see my penis.

You know you are unhealthy when …

• You swallow your daily vitamin with a glass of beer.
• You step on the scale to weight yourself and you hear a little voice say, “Oh my God!”
• You have been reported as a “UFO” – an unidentified farting object.
• When you belch; global warming increases significantly.
• You take two steps and then skip the third step because you are too tired to take another step.
• You are arrested for attacking a person giving free food samples in the supermarket and your defense is that they teased you.
• Five people are supposed to fit in a car that you think is just the right size for one.
• You get tired jogging downhill.
• If six people ask you the same question, you respond from seven different personalities.
• Your get up and go, got up and left.
• You are a couch spud farm instead of a single potato.
• You consider deep dish pizza an essential food group.
• At your high school reunion, people have to ask your name. When you tell them, they say, “Wow, you look different.”
• You lean back in a dentist chair and because of your weight, you hit your head on the floor.
• When road service arrives to change a flat tire and they try to do it but fail to lift the car with the jack and then they ask you to get out of the car.
• You think a snow cone goes great on the top of a cake that you eat by yourself.
• You argue with others about the benefits of having catsup on vanilla ice cream.
• Your friends decided to start Olympic-like training to prepare to be pallbearers at your funeral.
• The surgeon general warns others about people like you.

Are you going to die today?

No one knows exactly when will be their last day in this life.

Even people who are very ill with a terminal illness
do not know exactly their last day.

The doctors may tell them that they have only a short time to live
and yet some live for many years more.

A young person in perfect health may do something risky
and die because of it.

An innocent person can be killed in a war.

An accident happens and someone dies before they expected it.

The point is, everything here is temporary.

So, you should always live today as if it is your last day in this life.

Hug your kids if you have any.

Hug a stranger if you do not have any children.

We are all children of each other.

Tell your friends and family that you love them.

Tell strangers, who are all part of the human family,
that you love them.

If you see any way to help someone else or an animal or an insect,
do that for sure.

Just say hello and “I love you.” That is enough.

Even animals and insects can sense this love energy.

Do the kindest things you can think of to do today.

Make people smile.

If you act like this, some may think you are crazy.

The truth is that the world is crazy.

Live with love and be crazy with love of everyone and everything.

Spread the love around as much as possible.

This helps everything to become better.

If you live like this, every day will be a blessing for yourself
and for others, 

even if today is your last day in this life.

Yesterday is gone. Let go of it.

Tomorrow may not happen.

All you have is today.

Live well and be happy.